When Feedback Happens in a Bathroom Stall
She wasn’t my boss.
She was one of those people who somehow ended up with influence, despite having zero actual authority. You know the type—smiles a lot, manages up well, and always finds a way to add, “Just trying to be helpful!” to the end of a critique.
This Ladyfession is about the day she gave me feedback. In a bathroom stall.
Yes, really.
Ladyfession:
She didn’t like how I said, “We’ll need to align on that before Friday.” That was the whole sentence.
Apparently, my tone was “a bit aggressive.”
This was so urgent… she brought me into a bathroom stall to say it. Like, actually into the stall.
I thought she had to pee. She locked the door behind us and whispered,
“Just a tip… if you want to be heard, you need to be softer. More inviting.”
I was standing next to a toilet. She was in heels. The toilet auto-flushed mid-sentence.
I said,
“Are you giving me feedback… in a restroom?”
She said,
“Don’t get defensive.”
Ma’am.
You trapped me in a porcelain echo chamber to discuss my leadership style.
AND I DON’T REPORT TO YOU.
Anyway, I now start all feedback emails with: ✨ Hello Dear! Just a kind reminder… ✨
(And by that I mean: I absolutely do not. But she does.)
— L., Seattle
She thought she was being helpful.
But helpful feedback doesn’t lock the door behind you in a public restroom.
This is what happens when tone policing meets performative concern and dresses itself up as professional development.
If someone really wants to help you lead better, they’ll do it with respect—and at minimum, on the correct side of a toilet stall.
The kicker? She told that story at a team lunch like it was a funny little mentorship moment.
I just smiled and took another bite of salad while mentally drafting a LinkedIn post titled, “When Feedback Happens in a Bathroom Stall.”
It got 38,000 likes.
Because apparently, we’ve all met her.
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